Bryce Harper Is on a Quest
Breaking News from The Off-Base Newsdesk* at Foul Territory…
PHILADELPHIA — Three weeks prior to Mike Trout signing a record-breaking contract of $430 million over 12 years with the Angels, Bryce Harper held the title with his 13-year, $330 million contract with the Phillies. While Harper publicly congratulated Trout on his enormous contract, sources close to Harper say he was fuming that Trout surpassed him.
You don’t have to look much further than Harper’s offensive struggles to know that not being the highest paid athlete is absolutely killing him. But now it appears Bryce Harper is on a quest to reclaim the title of the highest-paid player in Major League Baseball.
Traditionally, professional athletes have sought to increase their personal income through endorsements, and while mega-agent Scott Boras is already pursuing those channels, he also has generated some very unusual revenue streams for Harper.
Harper will venture into money-making opportunities that include mystery shopping, participating in focus groups, selling his used jockstraps on eBay, house-sitting on road-trips and nude modelling at art schools.
In a press release, Boras detailed a number of these nontraditional marketing possibilities in what he calls “just the tip of the cash iceberg.”
Sotheby’s, the world-renowned auction house will host Bryce Harper Day, where they will auctioning off Harper’s best asset: his body. Most notably, one of his kidneys. Boras said, “As you all know, Bryce Harper is a genetic masterpiece and he wants to share it with the world beyond the baseball field.”
In addition to the kidney, Harper will be auctioning off pints of plasma. His blood type is AB negative, which is the rarest of blood types and found in less than 1% percent of the population. When asked about the possibility of access to any other body fluids, Boras indicated that they are exploring possibilities.
Reached for comment on all of these off-field endeavors, Harper said, at first, Boras suggested working as a peanut vendor between innings, but it turns out the team keeps all the money generated from those sales. Then they looked at the possibility of selling his own Harper Nuts to the crowd while waiting in the on-deck circle, but with only four or five plate appearances per game, it just wouldn’t generate the kind of income he was looking for.
The press release also explained that if these revenue streams don’t generate enough money to close the gap between Trout and Harper that a GoFundMe page will be set up. Harper said, “Obviously everyone can’t win an auction, so my GoFundMe page gives everyone a chance to give to this worthy cause.”
* Off-Base is defined as “mistaken or misinformed; not aligned with reality.” Articles appearing in the Off-Base column of Foul Territory are not meant to be taken seriously and anyone doing so would themselves be considered off-base.
