2020 MLB Playoffs: There Can Be Only One

Oh, man, the Major League Baseball playoffs are here and it looks like it’s going to be a doozie! As is the custom with all major sports, only one team will win it all (for now anyway, until the participation-trophy mindset continues to spread and the wussyfication of America consumes us all). But until then, all 16 teams have a decent shot to win no matter how mediocre they are or how lucky they were to even get in the playoffs – just ask the championship San Francisco Giants teams of the previous decade.

It’s 2020 now and that means anything can happen.

For the record, the film was rated R, not because of violence or language, but because of an entirely unnecessary and entirely disappointing sex scene. How bad was the sex scene? It was so bad that I, as a 14-year-old boy, was disappointed.

The film is about immortals who sword fight each other to death by decapitation until only one remains. Hence the phrase: There can be only one. But these were no ordinary immortals. There was the Spaniard with the Scottish accent; the Scotsman with the French accent; and the creepy goth guy who later played the guard in the Shawshank Redemption.

Spoiler alert: In the end, the Highlander wins. Spoiler alert: the film is called The Highlander. Spoiler alert: they didn’t call it The Spaniard, or The Creepy Goth Guy Who Later Plays the Guard in Shawshank Redemption.

So, what do sword fighting immortals with misplaced accents have to do with baseball? Frankly, I’m not really sure. Let’s take a look at how each of the playoff teams look heading into the Fall Classic. There’s no way to know for sure who will win, but let’s see if we can make some educated guesses (Note: “educated guesses” is Internet slang for making up wild opinions out of thin air.)

Despite the existence of a global pandemic, Major League Baseball was able to pull off a season. Sure, it was a 60-game season that almost saw the Orioles and Giants look like playoff contenders due to the reduced schedule, but any season is better than no season.

Sensing there was something not quite fair about a 60-game season, MLB expanded the playoffs to 16 teams. That way any team that was halfway decent should be able to contend. However, that winds up shining a glaring light on the teams that didn’t make it. I’m looking at you Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I’ve also got some side eye for the Philadelphia Phillies and a furtive glance at the New York Mets .

They say baseball isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon. But this year was a sprint… that turns into another sprint. I’m getting winded just thinking about it. Okay, let’s proceed.

Los Angeles Dodgers – Let’s not beat around the bush here. The Dodgers are the best team in baseball. The offense is top-tier and the pitching, while a little suspect, is above average top to bottom. But, it’s the Dodgers, and they’ve gone into the playoffs with the best team before and that hasn’t resulted in anything. This year could be different. Oddly, the two teams they lost to in the World Series recently – the Astros and the Red Sox – are shells of their former selves. So, that’s a moral victory. (Not really.)

Houston Astros – Speaking of whom… the Astros have the worst record of any AL team in the playoffs. They lost Gerrit Cole to free agency. They lost Justin Verlander to Tommy John Surgery. They lost phenom hitter Yordan Alvarez to injury. And they lost the use of their trashcan sign-stealing system.

St. Louis Cardinals – The Cardinals have one of those teams that probably wouldn’t be in the playoffs in a real season. But the NL has four of those this year. And remember the Cardinals have won World Series titles with teams like this. They only wound up playing 58 games this year and you have to think they might have wanted to lose one of those missing games to avoid having to play the Padres in the first round.

Chicago Cubs – The real standout on this team has been Yu Darvish – the easy choice for the NL Cy Young. He has been nearly unhittable going back to the last two months of last year. Two months? That’s a whole season now. Anyway, the Cubs offense has been solid and their bullpen settled down after a rocky start. Can they win it all? Yu bet.

Cleveland Indians – The offense just hasn’t quite clicked for the Indians this year. Jose Ramirez might be the AL MVP due to an explosive last few weeks of the season. But everyone else has been just OK or worse. The pitching is where this team really shines. They dumped pitchers Trevor Bauer and Mike Clevinger and still have a frontline that is dominant and a bullpen that can shut it all down.

Toronto Blue Jays – It’s nice to see our neighbors to north have someone to root for in the playoffs – for the first round anyway. This is a strong offense from top to bottom with a weak pitching staff from top to bottom.

Milwaukee Brewers  – Welp! They made it to the playoffs. The powerhouse offense disappeared this year but Brandon Woodruff has emerged as an ace and Josh Hader will be there at the end to close out any games they’re winning. Best of luck!

Miami Marlins – You read that correctly. The Marlins are in the playoffs. Even though it’s the expanded 16-game playoffs in a virus-shortened season, I think we can all agree this is a nice step forward for a team that lost over 100 games last year. Not too surprising since they had the advantage of being used to playing in front on no fans.

Tampa Bay Rays – The Rays are a perfect example of the modern day computer-generated teams that “real fans” just hate. They are loaded with talent but it’s all very specific talent and it fits all together like those Peruvian stone walls of boulders seamlessly fused together and definitely not made by aliens. They use platoon hitters and situational starters and closer – the Rays, not the aliens.

New York Yankees – It was the best of teams; it was the worst of teams. On any given week the Yankees have looked unstoppable on offense and defense. But then when they are not unstoppable, they have been very stoppable. There are a lot of strikeouts to be had in the their lineup, but there is so much power there that they could easily softball league offense their way through the playoffs.

Cincinnati Reds – They made it in! That counts for something. Give these guys one of those moral victory trophies as well. Their offense was uneven all year, but their pitching has been awesome. This is the opposite of what we’ve seen from the Reds for the last decade. Trevor Bauer, Luis Castillo and Sonny Gray can shut down any team in baseball.

Oakland Athletics – Since it was only a 60-game season the Athletics couldn’t do their usual trick of starting off slow and then surging in the second half to make the playoffs. The whole season was “the second half.” They have a solid offense that still has more potential, the starting pitching is very good and the relief pitching is elite. This team is built a lot like the Rays. But without the aliens.

San Diego Padres – Everyone knew the Padres were building towards this. They are a legitimate championship contender even though they stumbled in the last week or so. The offense is very good and so is the pitching, though there are some injury concerns there. This is a team that is built to contend for the next few years. All of A.J. Preller‘s drafts, trades and devious team management have paid off.

Minnesota Twins – The Twins won the AL Central. Again. You really don’t hear people talking about this team very much. Though to be fair, with all the lockdowns and social distancing, you don’t hear people talking about much at all these days. Like last season, the Twins offense can be as explosive as anyone in the league. Also like last season, their pitching is solid but looks like it could all shatter in an instant.

Atlanta Braves – There was a time this season when it looked like the Braves were going to be neck-and-neck with the Dodgers all the way, but injuries flared up and they had to settle for just winning their division. A very good offense featuring MVP candidate Freddie Freeman paired with a strong pitching staff featuring potential ace Max Fried make for a very dangerous playoff team.

Chicago White Sox – The White Sox are on a very similar track as the Padres. They’ve been improving, improving and now they’re good enough to be legitimate contenders. Imagine how much better they would be if they hadn’t traded Fernando Tatis Jr to the Padres for James Shields. James Shields. Yikes. Anyway, the White Sox are loaded on offense. The real question is their starting pitching which is old and very young – like a Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart thing. Or Alec Baldwin and Hilary Baldwin. Or Woody Allen and Soon Yi. I think you get it. Sure, it looks odd, but sometimes it works.

You may not agree with what I have said, but let’s try to be civilized. My team isn’t in the playoffs and I’m just trying to provide some objective analysis, so let’s not lose our heads. Get it? It’s a call back to the Highlander decapitation thing. [Editor’s note: Jed, how much of this paragraph did you write just to make that joke?] [Note to Editor: What?! How dare you?] [Editor’s note: So, all of it?] [Note to Editor: You’re not my dad!]