Albert Pujols and Josh Hamilton’s Bogus Journey
Two peas in a very expensive pod.
Hall & Oates. Starsky & Hutch. Peanut butter & jelly. There have been some pretty great duos in history that have delighted us in ways that we could never previously have imagined. But there’s also been some pretty terrible combos: Bonnie & Clyde, Captain & Tennille, and kale & literally anything else. And now there’s Josh Hamilton & Albert Pujols – maybe the worst duo of them all.
They are stuck together on a Los Angeles Angels team that just can’t get it going and their awful performances have been a key factor in the team’s struggles.
Not so fast, shortstop Erick Aybar. We know you’re also stinking up the joint for almost $9 million. We’ll leave you alone. This time.
Baseball has seen some great duos throughout its history: Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig, Willie Mays and Willie McCovey, David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez. That had to be what the Angels were hoping for when they added Josh to the lineup with Albert.
Sure, at the time of each signing those contracts seemed like they’d be trouble, but everyone figured there’d be a couple years before the big regret. In fact, the Angels did what every fan hopes that their team would do. They went out in those two off-seasons and got the best offensive player available.
This year Albert and Josh make a combined $33.4 million. That’s not that bad. Unfortunately, it’s only the beginning. By 2016 they will combine to make about $55 million a year. That’s a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
They’re combined contracts total $365 million. That’s a lot of Hall and Oates CDs. That’s more than the GNP of the Federated States of Micronesia (yes, that’s a real place). And these are Major League Baseball contracts, so there are no take-backs. That’s $365 million guaranteed dollars.
And what has this small fortune bought? Albert is currently the 25th-ranked first baseman in baseball. There are 24 other first basemen who are performing better than him. Josh is the 16th-ranked right fielder. That’s not too bad – except there are only 17 players who qualify statistically. Only Ichiro is ranked lower.
It’s really the worst-case scenario for any team investing in free agency. These two contracts alone are sure to drastically change the way owners and general managers value big-time free agents. Just kidding, of course! They’ll never stop over-spending.
But by now the Angels surely wish they had left Josh alone and just re-signed the aging Torii Hunter – or even supermodel Rachel Hunter.
It’s easy to say that Josh and Albert need to pick up their games and start earning their money instead of just making it. But if they could, they would.
So, for now, the Angels are stuck with Josh & Albert and it’s costing them an arm & a leg.
Jed Rigney is an award-winning filmmaker who also fancies himself a baseball writer. You can follow him on Twitter @JedRigney.
